Frustrations and letting go

I have been doing much better lately with my patience towards the world. I have been spending a lot of time trying to let go of the idea that I am completely in control and let the real driver take the wheel. It is a slow process but I believe I have made it halfway to the passenger side. 

I still find it frustrating how people can be so very different from day to day. One minute they are Black and the next they are White. I myself am guilty of this at times, and I realize now how frustrating it is to those who are affected by it. This is a major sore spot in my life and probably always will be, but I guess I will just have to learn how to accept it and not let it get to me too much.

On a bright note, Aria turns two in just over a week. Invites are on their way and I just hope that damn financial aid check comes in so I can buy her something special. If not, I can always find a way to make her something pretty and unique. I should probably do that anyway, though.

Even if the shoe fits, eventually all soles wear out....

It's always a burn bright and fade in a flash deal with me, and I fucking hate it. I don't need someone or something to come at me at 150 mph only to screech on the brakes the moment I jump on board. I AM TIRED OF JUMPING ON BOARD! If you are looking for someone to take a cruise in the country with, I will be happy to oblige you. But if not, fuck off and leave me on the side of the road to walk! I will get there eventually if you speed demons just leave me the fuck alone.

End rant.

Road blocks sometimes don't get in your way

I am constantly reflecting on my life these days. Last year was rough, really rough, and I almost settled into a life I had never intended for either myself or my love, Ms. Aria May.

Looking back, there were many friends who tried VERY hard to set up road blocks for me so that I wouldn't drive straight off the cliff. These road blocks were complete with flares, flashing lights and DANGER signs, yet I managed to swerve around them and forge ahead.

Driving off the cliff and falling straight down was scary. But just as I was about to hit the bottom of the quarry, I realized the error of my ways, and in doing that, somehow manifested a safety net for me to fall into so that all I had to do to get back up to the road was to climb my way back up from the bottom.

I thank each and everyone of those people for their love and fear that led to their decision to try to prevent me from going over. I am sure it was entirely frustrating and sad to watch someone they cared for drive at top speed into nothingness. But apparently, the only way I was ever going to find the road I was intended to take was to do it the way that I did. I hope that those who watched me go down can see that now that I am on my way up the cliff that I am loaded with the climbing gear and am in possession of the map that will lead me in the right direction. 

(BTW, sorry, but I have a HUGE thing for metaphors lately).

Top ten reasons being a completely single parent is actually pretty awesome....

1. There is nobody to rationalize your parenting style with.

2. You are ALWAYS the one they want first.

3. When they are sick enough to need to stay home, you are forced to take a day off from life and stay home "sick" with them (and we all know they are extra snuggly when they are sick).

4. You get to do both the Mommy and the Daddy stuff, which if you are a tomboy like me, is pretty freakin awesome.

5. You get to dress them however you want with no repercussions from your significant other (this includes matching outfits!)

6. You always have a date on a Saturday night.

7. You get to decide what music and shows are played in your house.

8. You always get to read them their goodnight story.

9. You don't have to fight over the remote (until, perhaps, many years into your parenting journey).

10. You never have to worry if your child knows you love them, because if you are doing your job to the best of your ability, they will eventually see that everything you do is for them.

School has sprung, and so has my creative juices...

It is with much excitement that I announce my new plan of action for our future...I have begun the prerequisite classes for the RN program at Ivy Tech!

For those of you who have not known me since the early days of my youth, this change of plan may come as quite a shock to you, but alas, nursing was actually my first chosen profession when I began high school. I attended a vocational high school for ninth and some of tenth grade, and I was in the nursing department. What changed my mind? Well, when I lost Mom, I was actually at a Veterans hospital in West Roxbury the day she died, and the combination of losing her and being there that day made me HATE hospitals.

Since I have overcome (to the best of my ability, at least) my anger towards God and modern medicine, I have begun to realize that helping people is my second nature, and that I should put that quality to good use. I can always be a writer, even if it is not my career. Nursing, however, is something that will be both financially and emotionally rewarding and will provide me with enough off time to enjoy all of the wonderful and exciting years I have with my special little sunshine, Ms. Aria May.

So there it is. Life plan number 492,996,123 is in full effect. Wish me luck and positive study vibes, as I will need them desperately while I am in the throws of Anatomy, Physiology, Chemistry and Algebra this year!!!!!